the true story about the state of Totally Erroneous eXits And Signs

I took a little road trip today and some events transpired that have, shall we say, enlightened me. So as a friend I wanted to share my newfound knowledge of a very special place. Without further adeiu, the True Story of Texas:

Once upon a time, long long ago like in the 1800's a history buff named Stephan Austin moved to a place called Mexico. Stephan was an American and had like most American's become hungry for power. American's often prided themselves (much like today) on their ignorance, but not Stevie, he was different. Stevie thought back to some of his hero's such as Ghengis Khan, Napolean (not Dynamite, or the ice cream, but the french dude in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure), Christopher Columbus, and George Washington. Great leaders all skilled in the fine art of taking what is not yours and making it yours, power. He knew he too had the propensity to be a powerful man and began hatching a plan.

Stevie gathered 300 families and decided to move in. He contemplated taking over America but since it would take to long to gather an Army he thought up a better more devious plan, this one was sure to land him in the history books. First he decided to make friends with Mexico, America's arch enemy since it had more land that America wanted. After making friends with Mexico he took his 300 and moved to Mexico, continuing in his friendship, and moving in even more families. Once he had enough men gathered (to fight Mexico mind you, not America) he turned on Mexico and stole their land and together with Sam Houston, formed the Republic of Texas, were their motto was "Friendship."

After Texas had proved their strength American shortly after decided to use them as an assest, a way into Mexican land. Texas used this as a way of gaining America's trust, luring in more and more Americans. When America finally offered Texas statehood, they agreed under an opt-out clause. America thought about this but later said "Yeah but your Texas and were friends so you won't opt, it's just a formality right?" and Texas said "Friendship, thats our motto." To this day the state motto of Texas is "Friendship."

Throughout generations Texan families have been passing down the strategy. Today Texas is in the advance stages of their hostile take over, with a Texan running the country, and several others for that matter. They have also amassed the second largest land-area in the country, the second largest population in the country and the second largest economy in the country. In addition Texas has infiltrated many other things such as a DIY Store in London, a Scottish Rock Band, Counties in Oklahoma, Ohio and Missouri, as well as a Town in Australia, this all in addition to controlling all the calculators in America (Texas Instruments).

In order to protect our country I want to key you in on their primary strategy: Keep American's ignorant. I realized this today when I learned the true meaning of Texas. Yes Texas is actually an acronym for Totally Erroneous eXits And Signs. Really trying going anywhere in Texas. It is seriously harder to stay on the freeway than to get off becuase their freeways keep turning into city streets and you have to turn and stuff to follow it, which sucks but wouldn't be as big a deal if their were signs in Texas. I guess that is actually a little unfair, their are technically signs they just don't have words on them. Mostly just arrows, the only problem is I don't know what that arrow is pointing to, is it saying to turn or to merge and I still don't know if I am still following the freeway and or Highway because their are not numbers or letters on the signs. Also their streets change, like on my way to Fort Worth today I saw lots of things but on my way back those things had disappeared and there were new things I did not see before, which confused me and made me think I was going the wrong way, but then I realized what was really going on. Texas had tore down all the old structures and built new ones while I was enjoying a delicious lunch at the single most hard to get to restaraunt in the world, just to confuse me, now that's dedication. But then and there I said to myself "Trust you, not Texas." and that is what I say to you today: Trust you not Texas.

Thanks for reading my true story.

P.S. Best sign in Texas today: "Center Stripe ends in 11 feet." followed by "No center stripe." followed by "Uneven lanes." To which I said "How can you tell if the lanes are uneven since their are no stripes?!?" Don't worry Texas' had got nothing on me. I'm on to your tactics Texas.